Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
