Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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