You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
