I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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