my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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