Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
