At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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