yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
