Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
