You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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