bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
