Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
