Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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