Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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