i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
