he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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