she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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