The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
zippers are such a cool invention
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
