I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
