Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
