Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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