I'm going to jail i love you
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
