hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
