No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize