I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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