I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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