I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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