Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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