i think i have herpe
just one?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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