i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
