yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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