you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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