The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry about my life...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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