apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
