I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
