I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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