I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
