I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
