I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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