Jerry, you need to find god
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
