He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
