woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
