FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
