I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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