she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
