fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize