u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Please, let me fuck your mom
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
