I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
