So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
