My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
