You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
