he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I would ride that face into the sunset
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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