Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
