apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
