just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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