She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
