Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
