she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
