I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this just has baby written all over it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
