So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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