Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
