If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
