I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
