so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
