So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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