everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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