I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
