The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
