I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Boobs are out for the taking
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
