I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
