i think my mom watched the whole time
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
