You work out of a Hotel?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
