You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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