Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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