Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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