I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And then the night went full on bisexual.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
