i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She just used a chaser for red wine.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
