So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
