oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
