I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
