Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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