I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize