I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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