isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm too high and old for this...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
