some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Congratulations! We have a period
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