Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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